10 Rules Of Survival In Lagos

Those who are not in Lagos State tend to believe that the place is a jungle, sort of, though, depending on where you are coming from, you may conclude so. But for us, confirmed Lagosians, there are certain rules to go by if you want to survive in this ‘jungle’, sorry, city of excellence. Even if you are just stopping by, passing through or you are here to stay, it will be wise to try and live by these rules if you want to survive, even for a day.



Here we go!
1.      Welcome To Lagos: As you are driving into Lagos from the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway end of the boundary between the state and Ogun State, you are welcome by three statues conspicuously telling you that you are now in Lagos and that you must drop every unacceptable habit you picked up on your way because, well, This Is Lagos. That is to tell you that in Lagos, you must abide the rules of the city or you are on your own. Here, no one tells you to behave yourself because you must have noticed right from the first bus stop that you are in no man’s land and you must, like we say here, ‘shine your eyes’ or else, you will be on your way back to your village.

2.      The Law Officers Are Not Your Friend: Any other place, you are told that law enforcement agents, that is, the Police, Army, Navy and Air Force personnel, are your friends but in Lagos, the likes of KAI, LASTMA, Man O’War, Private Security, National Union of Road Transport Workers, even the Mallam guarding your gate, are not your friends at all. If you are new in Lagos and you miss your way, just walk to a Policeman and ask for directions. If you are going from Ikeja to Surulere, you may end up in Apapa due to their misleading directions. If you are driving and miss your way and see LASTMA officials coming your way, my friend, take off as fast you can because they are not coming to help out of your problems but to compound your problems by imposing different kinds of crazy charges on you, even when they know you do not build cars.

3.      Run Before You Ask Questions: If you are walking along the streets of Lagos and you see people suddenly running in different directions, be wise enough to join them. Do not ask questions! Just run for safety before finding out what is happening. It is better to be safe than be a victim. If you are one of those doubting Thomases, you could well end up in the police cell or even in prison for ‘not running’ when others did. I have seen it happen, so I am warning you!

4.      Get Off The Road: If you want to get home alive, be wise enough to get off the road when you hear the siren of speeding convoys; (these could be the police, military, government official, traditional rulers or even private security outfits or the General Overseer of a church), blaring to high heavens, telling mere mortals like us that they are above the law. They own the roads and if you do not get out of their way fast enough, you stand the risk of having your car’s windscreen or side mirror broken and if you as much as try to complain, you will be given the beating of your life. After all, you a bloody civilian, so there is nothing you can do about it.

5.      The Landlord Is King: Guys, this is a very important lesson you have to learn in the art of survival in Lagos. Your landlord is king, no matter the kind of apartment you live in. It does not matter if the house is a dilapidated, decrepit and ramshackle shanty, he is still the owner of the house. Even if he inherited it from his forefathers who built it in 1902, know that the cost of building materials have increased since then and you just have to pay for the increase. It does not matter if he has not carried out any repair works in the house in the past 17 years, if you cannot pay, pack out, simple.


NB: If I want to end this list here and continue next week, do not question me. So let’s meet then to complete this list

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